he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we're making bets on your personal life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
