I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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