is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
