shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
