whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
