I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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