he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
