please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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