I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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