the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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