This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
