so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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