Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
