Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
