I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
