John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
