so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
