Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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