I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
operation harelip BJ is a go
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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