for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
