I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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