Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
