haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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