remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
