Can i not drive my cunt home
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
