Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
