i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
