Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
