What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
