He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
