do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
