Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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