So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize