I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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