Whod you bang
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
