Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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