so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
