I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
