I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
