the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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