I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
