My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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