To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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