I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
