I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
