i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
