peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
