Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
