This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
