I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
