I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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