Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
