You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
