You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
