The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Im part way to drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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