if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
