pop tarts are not kleenex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
