1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
