my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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