I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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