i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
