I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
