I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
