I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
