dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
