We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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