garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
