HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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