There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
