I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
