Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
