First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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