The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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