Sponge bath it is.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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