"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love how my cats smell like pot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
