My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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