You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
