your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
