Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
