You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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